Yesterday was the 39th anniversary of my first “first breath.” When you have to have your heart restarted and lungs resuscitated, it’s like a second “first breath”… in my experience. My 20th anniversary of my first last breath and second first breath will happen in one month and… eight days, i think, if I did that math correctly. Living with dyscalculia makes me totally number-stupid to the point I need chatGPT to explain my daughter’s math homework to me so I can explain it to her, cause they sure don’t teach it like they used to.
Not that I was ever even one iota of “good” with math, or school for that matter. I gots me lotsa learning snafus cause my executives function about as well as the Matel CEO’s from the Barbie Movie… meaning they don’t really.
Mine are more like drunk toddlers…
The reason for that is a metabolic dysfunction that no doctor I’ve seen has thought to suggest. Did you know that a body has the potential to turn sugars to alcohol?
The thing is, I am the neurological combination of a people-pleasing and gifted overachiever and an emotionally stunted under-performer, via the penis on a man who can literally only see things his way, and he flat-out admits it.
Like a legiteral mash-up of opposites. My mom’s mom was always smiling and joking, and her dad was the archetype of Cronos… a self-inflating and expectant asshole. She got the short end of the stick with that combination. Cause mom ended up with the expectations of… well, basically Hitler without syphilis making him crazy, and the accountability of a toddler. She also has the Jealousy of Chronos and hates me cause she thinks I think I’m better than her. That’s not the case, cause I really don’t think I am better than anyone. I might be a little bit crazier, but that doesn’t make me better. The only person I am better than is the person I used to be… which was unaware of my own truth and scared of everything.
Though that’s kind of how it goes after your brain gets scrambled like bloody eggs, and life rewrites your entire existence that you have to then reinstate, the whole time learning how the other side of the spectrum lives.
I think I need food cause my brain is not braining very well tonight. I did complete a bunch of homework today too so I’m a wee bit spent.
But in closing, I am 39 years old, and maybe this year will be my year… who knows?
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