We’re less than a month into season 38 and on tonight’s episode #ilostcount of “keeping up with the Skidmore’s” the shit totally hit the fan… again… as always. But it’s okay because it was totally enclosed in a protective balloon barrier of misunderstood sarcasm because the universe has jokes.

So let me set the scene for ya first… picture a house of autistic narcissists all at various points on the spectrum. Though the majority of them have anosognosia and are unaware of their autism and narcissism… Except for one of them and I like to make other people aware. Two of them are at the complete opposite ends. Actually It’s more like what I imagine living with a pack of lions would be like, sans domestication and opposable thumbs.

But like a set of Gay lions, because the house is being parented by two old fashioned fathers energy wise. Two old fashioned fathers that are both aging like Mr. Wilson from Dennis the Menace. In their mind it’s their house and like Miley they can do and say what they want to despite who it hurts. Including my 9 almost 10 year old neurodivergent daughter.

Granted, they have never understood the fact that everyone sees the world differently, despite them preaching that fact while simultaneously shutting down what I say about the way I see the world. I come from a clan of “you need to put yourself in my shoes even though I will never put myself in yours,” minded folks with the emotional awareness and understanding of Neanderthals.

Case in point, the shitnannigans that went down recently…

My daughter was making her lunch, which she does every night, and my mother was micro-managing which is her all the time M.O… though she will adamantly deny that like . Before anyone mentally jumps down my throat about how I should be appreciative of my parents for housing me and my child, I know and I am. I am very appreciative of the basic essential needs of a mentally discombobulated person and her offspring that wasn’t a consensual conception product of copulation being taken care of.

The only reason I haven’t been kicked out on the street is because after going off all medicine I got my emotions so under control. I’m freaking bulletproof these days. And quite a sarcastic little asshole like I was growing up. Sarcasm is my defense mechanism… as for my daughter… she was sent to me by the universe to help me get my shit together and find my way back to me. And to also break cycles with… so many toxic AF generational cycles.

So she was making her lunch and my mom was micromanaging, which my kid is mentally a mini me in so many ways so I’m sure you can imagine how that went…. Now I will admit my child does a lot of highly questionable things. And her words rarely match her actions, but I can honestly say she gets it honestly because mindsets are genetic parts of our DNA. Genetic parts that the adults refuse to admit… cause I’m like the least adultiest adult here.

Anyway, my mom started to control and my kid started acting like a fool, the behavior is familiar. And my mom started losing her shit l, as she does when things don’t go the way she wants them to. I was laying in bed because I am chronically ill with a dysfunctional brain since birth and my meat suit is malfunctioning. When Venus slips into Hesperus and the sun goes down, my sensitivity intensifies and I have physical issues that I’m learning to work with. It’s called sundowning with dementia, and also can be referred to as a nightly spiritual experience.

I finally decided it was time to intervene in the kitchen and I walk in to see my kid licking a measuring spoon covered in Dukes Mayonnaise like it’s a freaking popsicle or lollipop. White stuff legit dripping down her chin, because her response to feeling controlled is to shut her emotions off like a vampire and drive the other person absolutely nuts. I’m raising her to treat other people the way she is being treated, call it eye for an eye, call it petty, call it whatever the fuck you want. I refuse to raise my daughter to be a freakin door mat.

And of course when I went out there and saw what was going down I was giving my kid a silent high five 🤣. My mom was annoying her, so she was being annoying… I played the same game when I was her age. We are mentally wired to mimic. Monkey see monkey do. It’s a trait of an emotional healer. My kid has healed me in so many ways and also at the same time feels like she is going to be the death of me. It’s basically the coin toss of duality.

My mother, who is basically like a female Bergen, told me I needed to get out here and oversee this, and I just said you do realize she’s doing this to get under your skin right? Cause she has made her lunch so many times on her own, but you were in the room tonight. And she just kept on her “I know better than you” tirade, screaming at me “THEN YOU GET OUT HERE AND OVERSEE IT LEE!” Completely ignoring what anything I just said to her means.

Because helicopter parenting is delaying our children, and allowing them to grow up at a healthy rate is apparently frowned upon in this establishment. But that’s okay, I’m a free spirited boundary pusher that my mom has never super liked….