They say “if you want a story to tell, you gotta go through hell.”
And by they I mean the band Citizen Soldier.
The lead singer went through the hell of addiction and mental illness, and he made it to the other side and wrote some songs about his journey and what he learned from it, landed a record deal, and is using his music and experience to help others hopefully feel better and less alone…
The frontman, Jake Segura, and I are CLEARLY like-minded individuals.
I was in my own personal Hell from basically 2006 to 2022. Actually, parts of my life are like heaven, and other parts have always been like a perpetual hell. But living without memory or self-awareness for like 15 years was hell. Also, my awakening and enlightenment experience was Hell. And even to this day, some aspects and fractals of my existence still feel pretty hellish
And I’ll get to my story eventually, but first I want to talk about someone who, honestly, this podcast/talkshow/ whatever the fuck this ends up being wouldn’t be starting without his unconditionally supportive presence in my life.
I’m talking about my boyfriend… err, fiancé. The love of my life, whom I am looking forward to marrying and not making any babies with. Unless he decides suddenly that he wants a kid, then we’ll talk. But I already have one, and she is enough of a handful to rear as it is.
She was not planned, or even consensual, but another topic for a different episode.
My lover, we’ll call him Scott, is like the most amazing person I have ever met. Especially because we met on a dating site, Hinge.
He is kind, and thoughtful, and compassionate, and sweet, and supportive, and gentle, and also a total badass.
Which is basically how he describes me… because etymologically speaking, I am a narcissist, so it would really only make sense my healthiest relationship ever would be with a person who not only has a similar personality, but we also share a very similar field of experience with the paths our lives took us down. We are kindred souls of survivors.
Scott and I both live with anoxic brain injuries, multiple near-death experiences, abusive relationships and other failed love in our repertoire, we both live with hearts that bleed for others, and we are cursed with the desire to make the world a better place. We both moved back in with our parents after toxic relationships, neither one of us have a car or even a license thanks to seizures from the brain damage. Neither one of us really have a whole lot of money either.
I mean he still has the abilty to hold a job, but traumatic pasts tend to make a survivor’s futures rather expensive with medical bills and bullshit.
I am actually on Government disability so I get less than a thousand dollars a month to do life with.
I actually got approved for both kinds of disability without getting a lawyer or even going to court. I just faxed in the hospital report from my car accident and had an approval within like 2 months after struggling for 18 years, and being jerked around for 2 years by disability… after being denied 2 other times.
But anyway, I digress… Back to Scott 😻